Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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