this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
