Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
