69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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