wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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