im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
