Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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