did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
