You just made me feel so damn special
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
