Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
