how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
