Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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