Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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