The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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