I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
