yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
