Its about making memories worth repressing
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
