There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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