i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
