And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
