I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Randomize
