Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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