Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
