She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All the doctor said was why
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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