So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
