Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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