there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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