he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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