New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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