chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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