how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
