youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
