At least make sure they are 18
Why
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
