So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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