I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
