I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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