OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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