i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
