Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
