I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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