so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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