I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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