i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
