i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
