i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
