can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
