I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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