Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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