Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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