I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
