You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
