In America we eat man semen.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.