I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups