Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.

(662): View more from Mississippi

He was trying to put me in handcuffs.

(1-662): View more from Mississippi

You have my attention.

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(662): I scissor kicked a one legged man last night. (662): He was trying to put me in handcuffs. (1-662): You have my attention. http://tfl.nu/abr0

Replies (25) Good night (1767) Bad night (433)
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(316): View more from Kansas

I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper

(785): View more from Kansas

He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.

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(316): I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper (785): He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not. http://tfl.nu/pqqj

Replies (32) Good night (3199) Bad night (916)
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(714): View more from California

so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.

(1-714): View more from California

yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...

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(714): so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen. (1-714): yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed... http://tfl.nu/69pu

Replies (91) Good night (930) Bad night (2465)
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(410): View more from Maryland

A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.

(410): View more from Maryland

and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.

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(410): A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis. (410): and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap. http://tfl.nu/onen

Replies (26) Good night (1065) Bad night (2786)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.

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(248): Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there. http://tfl.nu/llil

Replies (55) Good night (1219) Bad night (3378) Order T-Shirt
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(440): View more from Ohio

I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog

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(440): I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog http://tfl.nu/h88l

Replies (23) Good night (635) Bad night (3976) Order T-Shirt
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(315): View more from New York

I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.

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(315): I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine. http://tfl.nu/wyxo

Replies (9) Good night (4788) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.

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(610): i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly. http://tfl.nu/8yco

Replies (12) Good night (1293) Bad night (2690)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.

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(859): It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face. http://tfl.nu/gh9q

Replies (9) Good night (1031) Bad night (2203)
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(323): View more from California

How did I end up in the pool?!

(480): View more from Arizona

Welcome to ASU

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(323): How did I end up in the pool?! (480): Welcome to ASU http://tfl.nu/zi7q

Replies (8) Good night (2318) Bad night (603)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.

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(508): All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears. http://tfl.nu/qmop

Replies (15) Good night (557) Bad night (1131)
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(914): View more from New York

Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.

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(914): Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way. http://tfl.nu/0tc3

Replies (1) Good night (1074) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
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(765): View more from Indiana

This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it

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(765): This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it http://tfl.nu/dka3

Replies (7) Good night (406) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
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(845): View more from New York

There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets

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(845): There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets http://tfl.nu/ibjg

Replies (6) Good night (544) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
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(647): View more from Ontario

btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.

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(647): btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns. http://tfl.nu/3mk5

Replies (4) Good night (534) Bad night (126) Order T-Shirt

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