Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
