She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
