i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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