Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
