I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
