hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The uberlube is also flammable
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
