i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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