Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
