Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
