Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
