matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
