I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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